Love

L is for the way you look at me
O is for the only one I see
V is very, very extraordinary…

…

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[figcaption: two cats kissing at some shrine in tokyo, aww]

Everyone falls in love at some point. Whether it’s with a person, an animal, an idea, or what. It’s a natural part of the human experience to be significantly interested in something. Today I kinda wanted to focus on love in the traditional sense though.

Love is so annoying sometimes. What do you mean I have to risk it all and put my feelings out for someone to accept or reject? That’s so not fair. I could get my heart broken. I could pine hopelessly for someone who doesn’t even think of me at all.

That’s what makes love so valuable and so important though. None of this fake, cheap, shallow love where you only half-try to be in a relationship. Someone is putting themselves out there, risking their vulnerability, just for the chance to be intimate with a special person.

But man, this stuff is so complicated. Being interested in someone makes you so vulnerable and an easy target for manipulation. And you just have to trust that whoever you’re interested in has enough respect for you to understand that.

You could be led on by someone who doesn’t care for your feelings. You’ll want to see them all the time, only to be hit with “sorry, I’m busy”, “maybe next time”, blablabla…. They could keep you around, just close enough where you feel like you could have a chance, just far enough where you have to work for it. Pretty selfish.

I don’t blame anyone for falling victim to that, though. It’s just a natural part of human dynamics. Sometimes you just want to believe you could be the one. That you’re special.

I also can understand why someone would lead others on. Sometimes you just want options, you want to feel safe and secure. “Well, they don’t like me. But at least this person does!” Like a safety net.

It’s not respectful though, and I’d say they’re more interested in the concept of a relationship than they are in the person themselves. Or they just don’t want to feel sad that they themselves got rejected by another. Whatever, the reasons don’t matter - in the end, they’re not interacting with this suitor because they particularly like them.

On the other hand, when you’re so into someone, you gotta be comfortable with this being a possible outcome.

They could also just not reciprocate your feelings. Which is understandable. You can’t be everyone’s type, and you can’t expect anyone to fall in love with you just because you fell for them. That’s what makes love a rare and valuable thing. It doesn’t happen easily.

There’s a high likelihood you’ll get hurt. You gotta be okay with that.
And just because you won over their heart and are in a relationship with the one you were so attracted to, doesn’t mean it’s over. Relationships are just as complicated as the chase. People can fall out of love just as easily as they can fall in it. There’s a lot going on when you’re close with someone, and it’s definitely a commitment. But you knew what you were getting into.

I’ve seen many people get their hearts broken. Some of them struggle to eat for days after. The pain of losing someone you were so deeply in love with must hurt so much. To give so much to someone who doesn’t give back.

“There’s plenty of fish in the sea”

“yeah well, each fish is unique. And im never going to find that fish again.”

The beauty of it is that it hurts because it was so valuable, and that it hurts because you poured so much into it, and that it hurts because it was worth it.
If it wasn’t worth it, would it really hurt?

Happiness and Sadness are just two faces of a bipolar Janus.

What makes you happy, makes you sad.

What makes you sad, makes you happy.

It’s all about whether you lost it or not. When you lose what makes you happy, you become sad.

Love can be fleeting and finnicky. I guess you just have to appreciate it while you have it. Because if you lose it, the pain is going to be just as intense.

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What makes you happy? What kind of person, specifically?

I can’t actually read or hear your answers to these questions, so I’m just going to give mine.

I’m happy with comfortability. I like being comfortable. I’m happy when I’m doing something meaningful to me, whether that is through competition, or whether it’s through cooperation, or whether it’s by myself. I’m happy when I’m spending time with someone or some people I value.

I’m happy when I’m sharing. I like to share experiences, specifically. Watching movies together, smelling fragrances, eating. I like to do it with other people. But there is a caveat.

The person, or people, has to be worth it. And that leads me to my answer for question #2.

I’m a big fan of genuine people. People who are honest, people who are themselves and don’t try to pretend to be someone else. People who are thoughtful. Bonus points if you’re attentive. And smart.

When I see someone who’s so genuine and I like spending time with them, I really want to spend time with them. As I said previously - I like getting to know people. Getting to know interesting people is one of my favourite activities. I just want to see how different or alike we are. What we share in common, what we disagree on. People like that can be fascinating.

It feels bad when it’s not reciprocated, though, and I’d be lying if I didn’t wonder if I messed up somewhere. But there’s nothing I can do about it - they simply don’t find me as interesting as I find them. I’m not here to appeal to their tastes anyway. But it can sting, sometimes.

In the end, I hope they got to know a bit about me just as much, if not more, than what I got to know about them.

To me, that’d make it worth it.